Losing a loved one is never easy. In the case of an elderly person, suffering great physical pain and in poor health, a death is a shock. Death is the line no one has crossed and it's a sense of disbelief that accompanies the initial shock. You grieve because you miss them, but it's hard to think that they are not in a better place, with all these woes behind them.
The most painful loss is that of losing a child. This does not fit in to our definition of what's natural. As adults, we expect our parents to die before us, it's the natural order. Perhaps we unconsciously prepare for this eventuality.
When you lose a child, you are absolutely unprepared, psychologically, for such an event. The grief and depression that ensues is unspeakable.
As adults, we subconsciously know, that at some point, our parents will, due to poor health or simply age, die. So we have an expectation that this will occur at some future moment in time. Because we subconsciously know that we will face this grief, we are actually better prepared to deal with the grief and depression that naturally accompany the loss of our parents.
On the other hand, we never expect our children to die before us. We nurture our children, guiding them towards adulthood as best we can, with all the hope and promise for them at the forefront of our mind and spirit. To have a child snatched out of life is something no one is prepared to face.
This is a life event that surpasses any other loss. The shock lasts for many months, with grief so intense as to make you dysfunctional. Your body feels as though it is made of lead. Depression is a surety. In the case of losing a child, grief and depression combine into a monstrously overwhelming condition, from which there seems no escape.
Dealing with the grief and depression of this sort is far more complicated and devastating than any other loss through death. When your beloved grandmother dies, you experience shock, followed closely by grief. Depression may follow. In the case of a child, lost prematurely, shock, grief and depression occur simultaneously. You may well doubt your sanity.
It's been said that time heals all wounds. If you lose a child, this is one wound that never heals. Dealing with the grief and depression of such an event can be the challenge of a lifetime.
What can you do? Although it may sound trite, you need to go day by day, a step at a time. Accept that you will cry, mourn and may never recover your previous level of zest for life.
Understand that friends cannot possibly know what you are experiencing, unless they have lost a child themselves. The depth of your emotions are out of the natural order. If you are religious, pray. Prayer provides comfort. You might also consider making an appointment with a grief counselor. Lean on friends for some support, but don't expect anyone to understand the depth of your pain, grief and depression. This is uncharted territory for most people.
When you're feeling especially alone in the world, you might find relief in forums devoted to this subject. You aren't alone. Others have been through this terrible tragedy. The relative anonymity of the web and forum venue may allow you to express yourself more fully. You can gain valuable insights. It can also help ease your grief and depression simply by knowing that others, who have been down this same road, have experienced many of the same feelings you have. Over time, some healing will take place.
Writing down your thoughts in a journal can be most helpful, because, over time, you can see changes in your own emotions and a lessening of your grief and depression. God bless you and keep you.
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